This weeks guest post is anonymously submitted by a very good friend and sister of mine, I am extremely grateful that she would share her story on this platform. Hope you are encouraged by it, if you are please remember to leave a comment below and share it as well. Grace and Peace.
“It can never happen to me” has to be one of the most used phrases by people all over the world, for various reasons.
I remember months later after my late boyfriend had passed on, my mum asked me to get tested for HIV/Aids. I, without hesitation, said yes, because it could never happen to me. I mean, I only slept with one guy. We got tested and we were both negative. The words “you are positive” would not be part of my story. Even if the chances were there, God wouldn’t allow it.
Finding out that I was positive by far had to be the worst news for me. Being positive destroys more of your confidence/identity than it does your health. I believed my world was over. Not that I would die soon, of which I had begged God numerous times that He took my life. I had convinced myself that it was easier to die than to go through the whole process that was to come. The questions who would marry me, what will happen if I’m in an accident and I bleed? What will happen to those bleeding next to me? Were questions that tormented me. ‘You did this to yourself’ was a record that continually played in my mind.
With great family and friends support. I was hurt, angry. Angry with myself but mostly with God. I questioned where is this God I prayed to. The God who heals. The God who protects. The God who restores. For me, this loving God seemed so far. So I stopped praying to a God who does not care.
I believe it is slightly harder being positive and a Christian. Not because of what people might say, but rather what you think they will say or do. There is an unverbalised expectation that you can not be a Christian and infected. As a result, most suffer in silence. Today exactly 3 years and 3 weeks later of finding out that I was infected, I find myself at the feet of Jesus. Not because I’m great but because He is faithful enough to sustain us even if we fail him. He never loses His sheep. He never lost me. Truly His grace is sufficient. My life never ended. My life began.
I was reminded that this life I have is far greater than the status I was given by doctors. This life is about the status that God gave me. That I am a child of the Most High God. I am loved and I am made in the image of God. God has plans for His children, His plans are not to harm us. So much so that He guarantees that ALL, not some but all things works out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. His promises never ceased and my identity never died when I got infected. Do I still believe in total healing? yes definitely, but even if He does not heal this body. He remains God. He remains my Lord, my saviour and He surely remains a good good father.
This process has taught me that God being Sovereign means that in the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. He remains God. He remains in control. we may not fully understand why He allows certain things to happen but one thing that remains constant is that He has a greater purpose. For His glory.
Today I do not only breath, but I live. I thrive. I dream and work towards my dream. I have a future and a purpose to fulfil. I dream of getting married and having children. I dream of living this life completely for the glory of God. I dream that one day I will be brave enough not to be anonymous and allow these scars be a healing remedy for others out there.
my story is not something new, there is a lot of people out there singing the same song. a lot of people dancing to this tune alone. God ensured I had friends and parents who no matter what would be there. who when I hated life, loved me the most. God never forsake his own, no matter the condition, no matter the circumstances. He is always there. In what we call Him being silent, He has provided family, friends, and sometimes strangers to echo His presence in our lives.
No matter the circumstances, He’s got you covered. You are safe in His arms. As I continue my journey, I know am safe and I know the best life is the life in Christ, sick or healed, rich or poor, single or married. The best life is the life in Christ.