“None of this is wasted
Still becoming who we are
– Kings Kaleidoscope
This blog has been sitting in my drafts for a really long time, I have not had the life in me to write, it been that rough. A conversation with a friend today reminded of my purpose, the reason why I write, the reason why I create. This conversation had all the ingredients of the things that make me happy, the things I am passionate about and the God-given dreams I am pursuing.
When life is dark, its hard to see the rays of sunshine, even when they are visible to everyone else. That is how my 2018 has been, dark with a few rays of sunshine. I know, I know, what an intense way to start a blog. This year has easily been one of the hardest of my life, I have been challenged and stretched in every aspect of my life, yet here I am alive and still fighting. I think that is something worse celebrating, I am writing this as a note to self, to remind me of the bigger picture that has been hard to see more often than I would like.
Welcome to life update blog 2.0; the year recap, if you missed the first one please read it here or else everything might be a little hard to understand. I thought I would check in and share with you all how I am doing in different aspects of my life. The life update blogs are usually me sharing my life with you, but today, this one is for me, I need this but maybe so do you. In some sense, I hope this story for survival will revive hope in you as well, or remind you that you too can survive and win the battle or maybe make you sympathize with another person facing a similar battle.
As is our usual habit with these life update blogs, here is how I am doing in different categories:
Spiritually?: I am okay, barely making it, hanging on by a thread, I am sure you get the idea. I am learning that it’s so easy for me to communicate my happy thoughts to God, and not everything else. I have been enjoying reading the book of Proverbs though, I have fallen in love with it.
Physically?: Better than I have been in a really long time, this year has really been about focusing on my physical health. My doctor has been so helpful, although it has not been easy, I am grateful to be better. The battle is seeing God’s purpose in our pain, His providence is what makes pain purposeful, although I wish I could say I have this view all the time. Being sick has not been fun if I am being honest, its one of the things giving me anxiety about next year, especially since I went to the hospital the beginning of this year. For now, I am just going to take it one prednisone tablet at a time (I hope anyone who gets this will appreciate my double entendre)
Emotionally?: For the sake of making another Lecrae reference as I did in Life Update 1.0 and because this is what makes sense. I feel like I am in verse one of his song Cry For you. Depression has been a close friend that had made herself too comfortable in my place, staying longer than welcome. I have been fighting hard, praying hard, seeking help, learning to not suffer in solitude and bear burdens alone. This is an extremely difficult thing to talk about, but I am glad to have around me, friends who care enough to be a safe space, a shoulder to cry on, an encouragement, people who speak the truth and give me hope. This reminds me that I can fight another day, but more importantly it’s not always going to be a fight, it will get better one day. Side note/rant, losing friends because you are mentally and emotionally unavailable to pursue friendships as much as you were before sucks. Rant Over.
How is Blogging, Podcasting and everything else in between?: I have not blogged as much as I would have wanted to but I am also learning to not put unnecessary pressure on myself. Although I am excited for all the behind the scenes work that we have done, I can’t wait to see how it will all come together. I have learnt that God’s timing is always perfect, that sometimes things get delayed so that you can grow and learn. I LOVE podcasting, I am truly enjoyed creating this content. If you haven’t listened to our podcast, what are you doing with your life? But seriously, I love creating with that awesome bunch of people. This year I also started the Digital Content Creators meet-up with the encouragement of a friend and the help of Suwema. We managed to host two meetups where creative people in the digital space just get to meet and hang out, it been such an amazing and inspirational space, I needed that. I have enjoyed Vlogging and learning more about filming and editing, I have so much hope for this in the future. These things fill me with life and rejuvenate my spirit, I’ll never stop doing them, I am overwhelmed by your support in them. I have also become more aware on how this is beyond me, sometimes I don’t fully grasp how meaningful this content is impacting people’s lives until I receive that message encouraging me to never stop or when you see me or hear my voice and come up to say hello. All these things mean so much to me because they remind me of purpose and God, that He is the one who gave me these dreams. I once heard a certain creative whose name I can’t remember saying; “I feel most alive and closest to God when I create” and I couldn’t agree more.
How is Ministry? I am learning so much about engaging with people and being vulnerable, this year has taught me how to let people in. It’s taught me to embrace my weaknesses and not only show people my strong side. One of my goals this year was to take joy in the small, mundane daily tasks that I do, the temptation is to talk about all the big amazing things God has done, all the teens our ministry is reaching, all the places I’ve been blessed to see. But in all of this, I am reminded of what it means to be a faithful servant, my desire is to be found faithful in the small things. Because that’s where all the miracles are, being able to witness the hand of God at work in people’s lives, it’s extraordinary. I can’t believe I get to be part of that! I try to remind myself to do more of the stuff no one will clap for because that’s what I should be doing.
How is school? Feeling a little discouraged, it’s going to take me longer than I anticipated to finish due to some classes I missed for various reasons. But I know there is so much for me to learn so I am trusting God in all of it.
What Am I reading? I am currently behind on my reading schedule, desperately trying to get back. I am back to my old habits of reading multiple books at a time, but I am reading
- A life worth living – Chuck Reinhold
- Gay Girl, Good God.- Jackie Hills Perry
- Liturgy in the ordinary- Toni Harris Warren
- Dear Ijeawele – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
What Am I excited For The Next Few Months? I am excited to see all that is in store for me for the next year, the wonderful plans that God has for me. I am excited to meet new people, see new places explore new things, but most of all to remain consistent in the things I am doing now. I am excited to serve people and live life to the best of the grace God has given me.
I am excited to bring the Digital Content Creators Meet Up to Lilongwe, for the Podcast to turn 1, to add more podcasts to the roster. I am excited to create.
Thank you for reading this post and supporting me this year, seriously thank you. How was your year? Let me know by leaving a comment.
Grace & Peace,
“If I fall or if I misstep
If I call You with my last breath
Will You be there for me after?
‘Cause I’m wasting in this silence
And my fear is ‘vicious’ violent
I’m a child thrown to lions
Is there hope on the horizon
If I fall or if I misstep?
Jesus, where are You?
Am I still beside You?”
– Kings Kaleidoscope